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Helping Without Readiness Isn’t Really Helping

June 3, 2025

I spent over half a day today helping a young woman take her road test. Her husband is currently away, and she has a one-year-old son she has to bring everywhere she goes. She asked for help, and I agreed — I drove her to the DMV, lent her my car for the test, waited with her baby while she took it, and brought her home. 

The test officer told her right away, instead of waiting until after 6 pm like they usually do, "You can't drive."

She was truly appreciative of my help — she brought me some food and others, and offered to take me to lunch, though I didn’t go. Still, I came home past 1 p.m., exhausted. What wore me out was the sense that it had been spent on something not ready to succeed.

Her driving was still shaky — not test-ready — and I had sensed that even before we left. Yet I let myself get pulled along. In my heart, I knew it wasn’t going to end well, but I said yes anyway.

That’s what bothered me most: not the failure, but the premature attempt. When someone’s not ready but still wants to rush ahead, your support turns into damage control. I don’t mind giving my time and be there for her — but giving it to something clearly not ready feels like a waste.

I’ve come to realize that kindness, when it overrides honesty, can become unsustainable.

Next time, I’ll still help. But I’ll ask the hard question first: Are you truly ready?

To anyone who finds themselves giving and feeling time not well spent — here’s what I’ve learned:
You’re allowed to say not yet and wait till readiness is there.
You’re allowed to protect your time.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can say is: Let’s wait until this makes common sense.

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