“Mom, where are you? Why did you abandon me?” A mother’s reflection on work, sacrifice, and the narrow window of childhood

In 2002, I was laid off when our entire team was let go during Sprint’s massive outsourcing drive. Around that time, I received several contract job offers from other parts of the country. But taking any of them would mean going alone—leaving behind my young children and the rest of my family.

My mother in China couldn’t understand my choice to stay home. To her generation, a job is never something you turn down—especially when mouths need feeding. But I couldn’t shake off a simple question: What would it mean for my children to grow up without their mother during their most vulnerable years?

A friend of mine, who was laid off at the same time, took a different path. She moved to Florida alone for work. Years later, her son revealed what he went through in her absence. As a child, he would wander out alone in the evenings, crying and calling into the dark, “Mom, where are you? Why did you abandon me?” His words were both heartbreaking and haunting, even now, whenever I think of it, I find it hard to suppress the swelling emotion. Eventually, he went to college and became a devout Christian—perhaps in search of the comfort he lacked at home. 

Another Chinese friend confided in me about their strained relationship with her son. “During his darkest years,” she said, “it was church friends—not family—who stood by him and pulled him through. That’s why he now gives everything to the church.”

I often wonder: would these children have turned so deeply to faith if they had received the full emotional support of their parents during their formative years? Would mine turn out like them if I chose otherwise? 

I don’t know. But I do know this: work and money can wait. Childhood can’t. The window to shape a child’s heart, confidence, and providing a sense of safety is very narrow. Missteps in those early years can leave lifelong gaps that no amount of money can fill.

Be there when they need you, so they never have to ask, "Mom, where are you? Why did you abandon me?"