I wrote this piece in 2023. Recently, I mentioned it to a young friend of mine. She wants to read it. It took me sometimes to dig it out. Here's a revised one.
In March 2023 I spoke with a parent about helping her child discover and develop what he’s naturally good at. That conversation reminded me of a powerful lesson from my own experience — one that has stayed with me ever since.
Back in the late 1980s, I was a TA teaching a class on popular culture to a room full of American college students. They knew far more about pop culture than I did. I was still relatively new to the U.S., spoke with a strong foreign accent, and had limited exposure to many of the cultural references they grew up with. I couldn’t compete with them on that front — and I didn’t try to.
Instead, I focused on what I could do better than they could. I told my students, “You may know more about pop culture than I do — but I understand what you know better than you do.”
To prove it, I started the lesson with something they all knew: the movie E.T. I asked a question my father used to ask me: “What is the central theme of this movie?”
They offered all kinds of answers. One student said, “Kind children versus villainous adults.” Others mentioned friendship, adventure, or loneliness. Then I guided them further.
“What does E.T. say when he finds the telephone?”
—“E.T. phone home.”
“And where does he go in the end?”
—“Home.”
“So what does that tell you?”
—“He misses his home.”
“But didn’t the boy say, ‘You could be happy here, I could take care of you’? Why did he still want to go home?”
—“Because his home is still the best place for him.”
“Exactly,” I said. “That’s the heart of the story: East or West, home is best. No matter how kind others are or how good things might seem, nothing replaces the place where we truly belong — our home, our family, our roots. That’s not a new idea, but it’s a deeply traditional and powerful one.”
By asking questions and guiding them toward deeper meaning, I helped them understand the stories they thought they already knew. That was my strength: reading comprehension and interpretation — a skill I had developed since my school days that I wrote about before.
That classroom experience taught me something I’ve come to believe even more strongly over time: don’t compete with others where they are strongest — instead, play to your own strength. It’s just like the story of 田忌赛马 (tián Jì Sài Mǎ, Tian Ji’s Horse Racing). Tian Ji didn’t win by racing his best horse against his opponent’s best. He arranged the matchups strategically — sacrificing his weakest to beat their middle, and saving his strongest for the right moment. That’s how he turned a certain loss into a win.
So often in life, we’re tempted to measure ourselves against others — to compete on their terms. But key to our success lies in knowing our own unique edge and using it wisely.
I hope this story helps others see the value of self-awareness and smart strategy. You don’t have to be the best at everything. You just need to know where you shine — and let that light lead the way.
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